Duey, Cheatum, and Howe, Attorneys at Law acting for Akbar Turkmenbashi, the Great Leader of All Turkmen, aka President Saparmurat Niyazov Dear R. Dorthway and Pallbearer Scrotumblossom III, Akbar Turkmenbashi, President for Life, of Turkmenistan, has outlawed aging. A brief description of his decree follows: Stages of the life of a Turkmen 0-12: childhood 13-25: adolescence 25-37: youth 37-49: maturity 49-61: prophetic 61-73: inspirational 73-85: wisdom 85-97: old age 97-109: Oguzkhan Please cease and desist in your frivolous claims, as it is evident that your clients have reached the enviable stage of Oguzkan, the great leader who founded Turkmenistan in 5000 B.C. Yours, Ann Howe, Esq.