Tallywacker, Bungholefluff and St. John-Wingin-Fester Inc. Attornies at Law acting for Howard R. Ageile.

Dear R. Dorthway,

It has fallen to our interests to defend the 'Howard R. Ageile' refered to in your previous posting as being the inventor behind the Aging Process. Our client informs us that you have in fact got hold of the wrong man. Aging was instigated first as a recreational pursuit and then as compulsory discipline by the Vatican shortly after Adam and Eve were expelled from Fleetwood. Pope Joan herself laid the charge of producing the 'Aging Treatement' to atone for people's original sins, squarely at the feet of a Mr Arthur Jing of Southwark Rd, Detroit. It was after this gentleman that the now recognisably dangerous process takes its name and countless lawsuits have been brought against him by such luminaries as the present Pope himself, whose addiction has left him withered, decrepid, diminished and with a distressing belief that he is the 'Mouthpiece of God'. Other celebrities who have suffered horribly with Arthur Jing's radical treatment for mental instability are the Queen Mum, whose teeth turned brown, whose head shrivelled to the size of a conker and who finally succumed to an overdose early last year.

Fortunately help is at hand, and a clinic has now been set up to help those afflicted with this horendous disorder. Sir Cliff Richards, the ageless Peter Pan of abstinence, runs daily self-help groups (in which he helps himself on a regular basis) and isn't homosexual. (No way! He's a man of God as his albums clearly show and his live-in friend does not feed his trouser snake up the left hand side of Cliff's 'Y' fronts and into his rectum every night.)

Anyhow...please amend your criticism of our client immediately or we shall be forced to publish the photographs.

Yours etc,

Pallbearer Scrotumblossom III (potential litigater)